On Sunday, Don posted a slideshow of him posing with Ted Cruz, holding a cake that has a picture of Barack Obama in red white and blue icing. The caption is a real classic: “With friends like these… some good friends decided that while my birthday is not for 2 weeks that they would get me an early 40th birthday cake. And what birthday is complete without an Obama cake? I figured it was so good that I would have to share it with Ted.” Like…what?
While we’re distressed at the idea that a 40-year-old man is still having a weeks-long birthday celebration, there are more pressing issues here. The combination of Ted “Zodiac Killer” Cruz and Don “Spray Tan” Jr. in one photo is a lot to take in at one time. Ted looks his average level of constipated, which means if he were a normal person he’d be chugging Activia yogurt and hunching over the toilet. Don is making a face that can be best described as a playful grimace, and we need it to stop right fucking now.
And let’s talk about the cake. First of all, the picture of Obama is, um, an interesting choice. It seems like it must be a joke, but these men know that they’re like actual leaders of our country, right? Like, I could get an ironic Taylor Swift cake for my birthday and it would probably get 150-200 likes on Instagram, but I don’t have to go back to the Senate on Monday morning and see articles about it online. These men are basically overgrown high schoolers, and it’s upsetting AF.
The photo with Ted Cruz is the most important here, but the post is actually a slideshow with two other solo pics, because Don Jr. is a messy bitch who needs attention. In the second one, he’s doing an intense soft smile that truly makes him look like an orangutan, and in the third one he’s doing that fucking grimace thing again. Our favorite part is the basic bitch who photobombed both pictures, because she’s the true messy bitch who needs attention. Good job, sis, you weaseled your way into one of the ugliest effing photos we’ve ever seen.
If you need me for anything, I’ll be crying into an Obama cake while eating the entire thing with my hands.
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